Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Review: Lindt Petits Desserts

Item: Lindt Petits Desserts

Cost: $9.99 (seriously)

Rating out of five:

Usually I don't buy mass produced chocolate from a chain drug store. Since I started baking and eating more (and better) pastries I just can't stomach things like Hershey's, Dove, or even Godiva (which has been mass produced store bought chocolate for a very long time now). But I was desperate and having a rare cocoa craving, so I caved and bought the second most expensive box the store had, figuring the priciest was bound to the be the best.


Here's the breakdown:

Creme Brulee: Its in the center of the photo on the box- everyone involved in this transaction knows this is the piece that matters most. And it is the second best tasting one in the box, but that ain't saying much. Its not really a creme brulee flavor, I'm not sure how to characterize it. It runs dangerously close to a subtle coffee. There's the smallest bit of a crunch to it. Whatever, it was the piece I excitedly tried first and thus knew it didn't bode well for the rest of the box.

Tiramisu: There's actually a coffee flavor! Too bad I'm not such a fan of said flavor and prefer tiramisus that are apparently flawed because they're lacking it. I think a lot of people would find it enjoyable, possibly the best out of the other pieces.

Millefeuille: As I found out, Millefeuille is another word for a Napoleon, as the picture on the box so helpfully points out. I don't know what's going on here but its not a Napoleon. It was at this point in my experience that I decided chocolates turned into desserts that originally contain little to no chocolate was probably a flawed concept. Its got a creamy inside, again I think other people might get something out of this but it just didn't do it for me.

Meringue: Why the fuck would they even attempt this? I dreaded biting into this chocolate. It wasn't as bad as I thought, but I don't get "meringue" from this either. The inside was mostly creamy, but for whatever reason they also included these tiny crunchy white bits in there.

(not only is the little shit not photogenic, he fails to upload properly- and is not worth fixing)

Lemon Tart: Ugh, the things I do for all the folks who don't read this blog. I fucking hate lemon, but I bit into this and promptly spit it out. This means people might actually enjoy it, because it positively reeks of lemon just like most lemon flavored desserts do. Its got a layer of lemon goo inside. So there you go.

Now on to the extra mystery chocolates! You know, the rejects that didn't make the cover of the box. You wouldn't want your customers to get too much of a "good" thing, now would ya?

Dark Chocolate Crunchy Thing: Super bitter outside, creamy inside, gross allover.

Smooth Milk Chocolate Thing: Whoa, what's going on? It looks like pure mediocrity but...there's something going on....maybe a hint of almond? Creamy inside with that signature annoying crunch that comes from I don't even know where, but overall not a horrible piece of chocolate! I almost finished the entire piece.

(The inside of dark and milk chocolate mystery pieces)

So here's my overall verdict: This product sucks. But your getting 18 pieces with a cutesy theme, and I have a feeling a lot of people who just enjoy running to the corner store for their chocolate would enjoy this as long as they don't expect the pieces to taste like the desserts they were supposedly modeled after. And with that Hallmark Holiday around the corner, maybe this is something folks want to keep in mind.

If your girl is a picky eater, a "foodie", or a pastry chef for the love of god...just don't.

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